“Exhausted from Grief” [1]
(Mark 14:32-42)
I have known the exhaustion that comes from grief. That
exhaustion has trampled me to the ground for the past four years. My son died
four years ago, just after Easter 2021. We thought our family had made it
through the COVID-19 pandemic with little personal bruising, other than lost
time with one another. Then, on April 18th, my son, Peter Emmanuel
Jackson, died due to complications during surgery. He lost his battle with hypoplastic
left heart syndrome. Now grief comes in waves. The waves knock me down in April.
I want to skip each day or weep the time away. I am tired of the weariness that
accompanies grief. I no longer view Holy Week the same way due to the loss of
Peter’s proximity to the week we remember our Lord’s journey to the cross.
Before I knew grief intimately, I viewed the disciples’
activity in the Garden of Gethsemane as inattentiveness. Now, I think they
grieved. One of their own had just abandoned them so he could betray their
Lord. Jesus had just told them that they would deny him. He specifically
pointed to Peter when he predicted their communal denial. In addition, according
to the Gospel of John, he has just told them that he will soon go to his Father’s
house. He told them that he must go to the one who sent him. So, they grieved.
Loss of companionship, leadership, and their expectations for the Messiah
caused them to dwell in sorrow. Now, they see their Lord, the one they have
followed for years, fall apart.[2]
I think they did not know how to keep watch amidst their grief. They did not
know how to shout laments to God, as Jesus wept a short distance from where
they slept.
I am tempted to think that Jesus did not have compassion on
the disciples amidst their grief. He kept waking them up. Maybe he wanted them to deal with their emotions then and there. Jesus did not demand
anything of them. Rather, he encouraged them to pray. Jesus calls the disciples
and each of us to pray as we grieve. I attest that sometimes, as we struggle
through the losses and pain of life, prayer does not come easily. God provides
us with the prayers of lament and trust as we mourn. Jesus encourages people who
grieve to join him in the prayers of lament.
In the text, Jesus states one reason we should pray as we
grieve. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.” He knows prayer will strengthen his disciples
as they deal with the hours ahead. Jesus gives the example of consistently
praying to God as he grieves. Here in the Garden of Gethsemane, he wept his
prayers to God. Soon, as he hangs on the cross, he will pray many prayers to
God. One takes the words of David and applies them to his situation: “My God,
my God, why have you forsaken me?” He honestly prays about his feelings to God.
Our compassionate Savior invites us to pray our pain to God.
As our intercessor, he longs to carry our joys and sorrows to God’s throne of
mercy. When loss overwhelms us, the
voices in our heads can easily tempt us to turn away from God. We might blame
God or doubt the truth of God’s grace and love. When we grieve, we often feel
forsaken. Jesus knows this. He encourages us to cry out to God. In this manner,
we will resist the temptation to turn away from our Creator.
Jesus longed for the disciples to lament with him. When
Jesus asked Peter, “Can you not watch for one hour?” he expressed a desire for
the community of his closest friends to join him in lament. He did not seek the
comfort they might bring him in companionship. Rather, he knew their shared
laments would bolster them all as they faced the sorrows ahead. Jesus lamented because of the suffering he would
soon endure and the feelings of forsakenness he would feel on the cross. He
also lamented because he knew the temptations, sorrows, and abandonment his
disciples would soon feel. So, he invites them to lament with him.
Our Lord invites us to bring our sorrows before him as his
people. God’s church needs to relearn the prayers and songs of lament. We need
to weep as his community. When we mourn, we need the presence of other people. As
the community that reflects our Lord, we should lament together. We should
invite one another to share our pain. We should seek out God together as we
struggle through our losses. God will strengthen us in our shared sorrow when
we bring our tears to him.
Since he cared for them, Jesus continually returned to the
disciples. As the Good Shepherd, he kept returning to his disciples.[3]
His sorrow could have consumed him. He could have ignored the disciples. He did
not. He wanted to bolster them. He encouraged them toward faithfulness and steadfastness
amidst their grief.
Jesus does the same for us. When we ache because of life’s
trials, our Shepherd does not abandon us. He gently guides us along the path of
life. He walks with us and sometimes carries us through the valley of the
shadow of death. He equips us to enjoy fellowship with those who have hurt us
because he enables us to forgive. Our Lord will consistently come to us. The
man of sorrows journeys with us in our sorrows.
As we wrestle through the sorrows of this life, we become
exhausted. God has given us the gift of lament so that we might share our
sorrows with him. Jesus lamented in the Garden of Gethsemane and as he hung on
the cross. When we face the agony of life, we should pray and sing about our
pain. Even in the exhaustion that emerges with grief, Jesus comes to us and
offers comfort, love, and grace.
Prayer: Loving
God, we thank you for your son, Jesus, who continued the tradition of lament so
prevalent in the Scriptures. His example invites us to cry out to you. We also
thank you for caring when the exhaustion of grief overwhelms us. Draw us back
to you when the pain of this life blinds us to the love you offer us every day.
We pray these things in the name of your loving Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ.
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